Farewell 2o18

Hello everybody. I apologize that I have not written in about a month and half. The past few months have been very hard, depression wise. Tonight I wanted to talk about my year and what I am hoping for 2019.

2018 was an emotional year. I almost let depression take my life twice, I checked myself in to a program at a local hospital, cried ALOT, had an absent seizure that caused me to lose my memory for 30 minutes, was diagnosed pre-diabetic, and just felt miserable, physically and emotionally. Sometimes I feel stupid for even telling everyone about my struggles because clearly some people have had worse events that happen.

I am truly grateful that  I have my husband, my family, and friends. I am grateful that I have not lost anyone very close to me this year. I am grateful to get by another year without being diagnosed with some major illness. I am grateful for clean drinking water and food on the table every night. I just want to make that clear that I am grateful. It is just so hard to focus on the amazing things that you have around you when you strive for happiness everyday.

I have never been this exhausted in my entire life. I wake up, go to work, pretend that everything is okay, go home, eat supper, and go to bed. On the weekends I would take very long naps. If I was at home, 75% of the time you could find me curled up in bed.

The new year is always a rough time for me. I always think about the previous year and how terrible it was. Wondering if I am going to have yet another bad year or am I going to do something about it. The other night I had a breakdown. I asked my husband, “When will this end? When can I say I finally had an awesome year?” He said, “When you start trying harder.” His answer was blunt and simple. At first I was pissed off a little at that answer, but after hearing him explain, he was absolutely right.

I have alot of plans for 2019. My husband and I made a schedule for our week, which was his idea and I love him so much for it. (Pictured Below)

*begin fast is for our intermittent fasting

My husband is literally doing everything he can to make me feel better. He has a very tiring and active job, yet he is still willing to go to the gym with me. I feel so lucky to have such an amazing supporter.

Some other plans I have, is that I want to start posting a blog every Sunday and I also want to make more videos for YouTube. But most importantly I want to take care of myself this year. I want to try harder than I ever have in therapy, at the gym, with eating better, etc. I am not setting any huge goals. I just have plans to get healthier and happier.

I hope everyone had an amazing holiday season. I had a great one, but I am truly ready for this new year and a better life. I am really hoping I can say 2019 was the best year yet. Thank you for reading and I will be back next Sunday!

xoxo -court

 

 

 

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