Good evening everyone. I hope you don’t mind but today’s post is more like a venting session. I want to share everything on this blog. It is like my little online diary! I hope you all had a great week because unfortunately I did not.
Wednesday morning I woke up ready to kick some ass. I woke up super early, packed my lunch and was feeling great until 7:00 am while I was driving to work. I was in the car listening to music then boom, I got extremely depressed and started thinking about suicide. Between 7:00 am and 7:45 am I had gotten a hold of a coworker, tried to call my husband, texted him about having suicidal thoughts, and drove back home, with absolutely no memory of it what so ever. The only thing I remember was that I fell on my bed when I got home and went to sleep.
Two hours later my husband ran into my room and said, Courtney, You have got to answer your phone when you leave me messages like this. I could see the fear in his eyes as they filled up with tears. He said that I just stared at him with a blank face. I had no idea what was going on. He told me about the messages I sent him and that he called my work to ask if they knew where I was. I looked down at my phone and I had 8 missed calls from him.
I immediately started to cry, said I was sorry, and told him that I didn’t remember doing any of that. Over the next few days we had lots of doctor visits. We still don’t know what exactly happened yet. My doctor thought maybe I had an absence seizure.They drew tons of blood and I have to get a MRI of the brain. Some of my blood tests came back and they did tell me that I have an overactive thyroid so I do have to start a new medication for that. Which sucks because I hate pills. BUT could be worse. It could always be worse.
One really odd thing was the suicidal thoughts. I have been pretty happy the last couple of months, so I have no idea where that came from. I think sometimes with depression that is always going to be there. You just have to learn how to pull yourself out of it.
I have to try to remind myself to stay positive throughout this whole process. It is so hard at times but I know whatever comes my way, I can handle it. I have so many people who care about me and I am so grateful for that.
As for right now I am trying to enjoy the moment and be happy like that little girl in the picture, which happens to be me! I know that picture has nothing to do with my post, but I like to be personal and sometimes I get tired of using pictures that aren’t mine from my life. I hope you all have a great week and I am hoping to get some more answers! Thanks so much for reading 🙂