A Letter To My Future Self

Good evening everybody. Today I have been feeling kinda sick so I wanted to write something that would lift my spirits a little bit. I wanted to write a letter for myself to read in one year from now. So lets get started…

Dear Courtney —

Today is June 19th 2019 and it has been one year since you wrote this. I hope you are having a spectacular day so far. As I sit here writing this letter, it is currently raining out, your home alone, Rex is staring at you on the bed, and you have some gorgeous yellow mums sitting on your desk. You have been on Lexapro for 2 months to help you with your depression and anxiety. You have been doing a depression workbook and meditating every night before bed. Has anything changed? 🙂

Girl, we have been through so much over the last few years. From your miscarriage, wanting to commit suicide three times, and seconds away from attempting. You always thought how can people do that to themselves, and I am sorry that we got to that point in our life. I want you to know how proud I am of you for not giving up and getting help. Remember one year ago (June 19th 2018) your therapist said how much you have improved and how hard you have been working. YOU did that. You decided that enough was enough and you thought of yourself for once in your life and took action.

Courtney, you did something for YOU, you never do that. You have always thought about others and how to improve everyone else’s life. I am so happy that you are finally putting peoples feelings aside and worrying about your own. You have been through so much and you are finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Remember how good this feels okay? And remember that God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. You will overcome all of this.

I know you are not where you want to be right now as your writing this. But don’t lose hope. I know when you read this letter you will be doing even better. You’ve come this far and you can only continue going up. Do me a favor, if Austin is home right now, go hug him tight and say thank you. Remember how hes always been your rock and stuck with you through everything. You have the most amazing husband and I know you know that already. Also go pet Rex, I can’t even count how many times he has cuddled with you while you were crying and made you feel so much better. Best cat ever.

Just don’t forget how strong you really are. And remember not to care about what anyone thinks of you. If they have a problem with you that is THEIR problem, not yours. Let it go, your too cool for them anyways!

Now here is a little something from your husband to end the letter:

Courtney,

Seeing you at your absolute lowest point where you were contemplating suicide and living day by day in constant depression was terrible for me. I hated being away from home wondering what I would find when I got back. You are my world, you mean everything to me. You are the reason I keep going. Seeing you finally making progress becoming the happy girl I know you really are is the best thing in my life right now. No matter what difficulties and troubles we come across, I know that in the end it will all be worth it. I look forward to overcoming these things by your side as your husband for the rest of our lives. I will grow old with you and I know we will both be happy.

 

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